Day 67

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

Albert Schweitzer

I've had a lot on my mind. Nothing to worry about...just a lot on my mind. Everyone has those days, or weeks, where you find yourself thinking about the state of things. Where you are in your life, what you want, contemplating change, really just finding your place...or if you even belong where you thought you did at all.  And I have been. Thinking a lot, that is. But sometimes those thoughts can weigh on you. And I have a reputation for being an extreme over-thinker. And, in reference to today's quote above, all this thinking has "put out my light" so to speak. You sit and you think and you wonder and you contemplate and before you know it, you're in a hole of thinking about problems and have lost all sight of finding solutions. It sounds much darker than it is. All that really just translates to is "bummed out." And I have been a little bummed out.

But all that changed last night. Friends are such blessings. And they came to my rescue...without even realizing it. 

Last night, Kat and I hosted a clothing exchange. We invited our most special lady friends over. We had all gone through our closets and pulled anything we wanted to donate or just plain get rid of. There were piles and piles of clothes strewn about the living room (and one very angry puppy barking out back). Everything is separated...skirt pile, jeans pile, sweaters, tank tops, etc.... Even books, lotions, nick-knacks, basically everything under the sun. Then we have at it! Clothes are flying everywhere..."Oh that looks great on you!", "Oh, my Dad gave me that! I'm so happy it found a home!", "Hey, you should try this one!", and so on. There are usually snacks...and always wine! Anything that is not claimed by the end of the night is donated to a local shelter for women.

When the girls arrived, I was running behind, had already messed up the recipe for the snacks I was making, had not showered and was still in workout clothes. A wee bit stressed....but all of that was really just residual effects of the downward over-thinking spiral that had clouded my mind all day. I was probably not very pleasant and wanted so badly to just have fun. 

And then came my ladies. So sweet. So compassionate. I didn't even really need to tell them what was wrong, they were very receptive to my energy and just offered help. "Anything I can do?" "What do you need?" "Want a glass of wine?" They knew when to help and when to leave me alone. And even if I said that I didn't need help, they found a way. My dear sweet friend Jenn, who must have sensed that the dog's barking was sending me into a frenzy, even left the party and went outside to play with him in hopes of wearing him out. Unfortunately, Brando only gets wound up and never wound down! But she gave me 5 beautiful bark-less minutes that helped me get the snacks prepared.

I eventually got everything finished, calmed down, and was able to enjoy the party. And boy-howdy, did we! Talking, laughing, exchanging clothes and stories. All of my energy went from my head to my heart. Those ladies reached down and with their collective hands, pulled me out of the hole I was in. They re-lit the flame. 

Day 67: I am so grateful to have such wonderful female friends. Friends who are there to help even when I don't know how to ask for it. Friends who, just by being there, fill your heart, ease your mind, and give you the spark you need to keep going. I am so grateful to Jenn Spain, Kathryn Korosi,  Kate Bergeron, Kelley Chura, and Sonia Koschoreck for being the incredibly wonderful ladies they are. Thank you for sharing your light.

Day 68

 "A friend is one soul abiding in two bodies."

Diogenes

When I was 14 years old, I met my soulmate. One of them, at least. That's her. That's my Kat. We met freshman year at Pebblebrook High School. We were in drama class together...and Mrs. Ebener's science class ("Plug me in, young Alton!"). She showed me so much kindness, right from the very beginning. This was a performing arts magnet school and most of my friends from middle school didn't attend. They went to our district school the next town over. I remember I was wandering through the cafeteria, not knowing what to do, when she asked me to come sit with her and her friends...which I did. And the group of us sat in that spot for the next 4 years. I'll never forget it. I was lost and alone, and she took me in. 

We became friends quickly. We had the same interests, the same sense of humor. I remember the moment I knew that we had something special. It was right at the beginning of freshman year. We were waiting for the bus. Kat got on her bus and told me to call her. I said "what's your number?" As the bus drove away, I heard her yell "850-8661!!" I never wrote it down. And I never forgot it. That was 15 years ago. I don't know why that was such an important moment to me. Maybe because I just knew, when I heard that number, that I would call it a million times. That I would dial that number and reach someone to laugh with. I would dial that number when I needed someone to cry with. I would dial it to talk about boys, and dreams, and gossip. And I did. So many times. 

Kat and I were inseparable for years. So many nights sleeping over at each others houses, begging our parents not to separate us, hating to be without one another. We did plays together, went on trips together, helped each other through many hair crises, boy traumas, family battles, and broken hearts. She was my rock. I remember one time, in our drama class, a friend of ours called her a name....I saw RED. And this was a good friend of ours too...but the second she crossed my Kat, I was ready to fight. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before, but my instincts kicked in and I knew in that moment that I would do anything to protect her. We were Thelma and Louise...or more appropriately (and literally) Truvy and Annelle. 

We went to different colleges. I was in Cincinnati and she was in Chicago. We met new people, found new interests...and from what I remember, we didn't talk all the time. But it never mattered. You know you have those friends that you may not speak to every weekend on the phone, but when you do, you pick up right where you left off. We didn't need to talk for hours every week to know that we were there for one another. And we always were. She visited me, I visited her. We were growing and changing, but we were always...us. I missed her so much some times, I could hardly stand it. Because no one understood me like she did. We've always said that we shared a brain, that we were two halves of one whole. We are.

I have watched Kat grow from an incredible girl...into an even more incredible woman. I've watched her experience and handle tragedy, I've seen her push boundaries, explore and conquer different avenues, try new things...she was always the fearless one. Whether she realizes it or not. I always looked to her to lead the way. And she always did. 

She stayed in Chicago after college and I ended up in Los Angeles. We wondered if we would ever live in the same city together ever again. Neither of us could really afford to visit. We did the best we could by way of phone and iChat. We found ways to be together. Then tragedy struck. I lost my brother in 2007 and my entire world fell apart. And that wonderful girl? She hopped on a plane and she came to me. In a time where everyone was bringing me words of condolence, she brought me herself. She brought me silence. She sat quietly with me, held me in her arms, and let me cry. Maybe because she knew that there were no words...maybe because with her, there didn't need to be any. We share a brain, remember? She dropped everything and was everything that I needed. But she didn't stop there....shortly after, that amazing, beautiful, wonderful, talented girl, moved out to Los Angeles and right into my house! Now, I know that I'm not the only reason she moved to LA. She had many reasons. But I am confident that I was one of them. And now we are together. 

Things aren't always perfect. When you share a brain, you can still get into fights with yourself! And we are famous for that. Especially for arguing the same point without realizing it! But even through the bad times, or rough moments, our foundation has never been shaken. And it never will be. Like Diogenes said..."A friend is one soul abiding in two bodies." She is a part of me, a part of my soul, a part of my heart. She is one thing in this world that I will never doubt or question, one thing I know I can always count on. She is my best friend.

Day 68: I am grateful for Kathryn Juliana Korosi. Beyond measure. I am grateful for all the years we've had together and for all the years to come. I am grateful for every laugh, every cry, every phone call, water fight, driveway session, every argument, every hug (standing or resting style!), every "fnoot" and inside joke, every moment that has made us who we are. 

Kat,

My life would be nothing without you. I love you more than I'll ever have the words to say...but I know that I don't even need to try. Because you know. We finally reached the point where we have been in each others lives longer than we were ever without each other. Almost 16 years and I've loved every second. Thank you for being everything that you are...and for sharing everything that you are with me. Gratitude abounds.

All my heart,

"Suz"

(way back when - at the start of us)