Day 82

"To have a loving relationship with a sister is not simply to have a buddy or a confident -- it is to have a soul-mate for life." 

Victoria Secunda

I woke up today missing my sister terribly. I had a dream last night that Laura (that's my sister), her childhood friend Mandi, and I were moving in to an apartment together. Mandi and I were going to have to share a room. Granted, this room was monstrous. It was spectacular, but I was distraught. Why couldn't I share with my sister?? (No offense Mandi...love you!) Then Laura brings me in to her room and opens what look like a closet door. We enter and there is a small room with a little closet and one window. Now this room was much much smaller that the ginormous, palatial room across the hall that I would share with Mandi....but I immediately yelled out "I'll take this one!" Without a second thought. I traded it all just to have a place with my sister.

If you knew me and my sister growing up, we would've never chosen to share a room together. We were not the best-of-friends-sisters as kids. We fought like crazy, pulled hair, lots of nail scratching involved. Ok, it wasn't as bad as it sounds, but we weren't particularly close. I remember always wanting to borrow her clothes and she would never ever let me. I would still sneak in after she left for school sometimes and take them anyway! Luckily, I got home before her too and could put them back. But if I got caught? Whoa Nelly! 

Then somewhere along the line, things changed. I think it was when she went to college. Once we didn't live together anymore, we began to communicate better. The summer after my Junior year I went down to Valdosta, where Laura went to school, for a 6 week theatre program. Since we were related, she could check me off campus. She took me to Zaxby's for dinner. I can still see it in my head. The whole night. I felt so cool riding around with my big sister who was in college! Another time that summer I got really sick and she came and picked me up, took me to her house, and took such good care of me. I'll never forget it. It meant the world to me. 

Over the years, we began to talk more. Not too often, but when we did we went more in depth and really started sharing things. Laura married the most wonderful man. The entire family instantly fell in love with him. I remember watching her at their wedding. Not only was she the most beautiful bride I had ever seen...it was just so obvious how in love she was. He's just incredible and feels like home. I could go on and on about him, but that would be another post entirely! For now, I'll just say that I am deeply grateful that Justin Miller came in to our lives. He makes her so happy. 

Our relationship changed again in 2007. Laura and I suffered a terrible tragedy in the loss of our big brother. I don't really feel like going into it right now, but I am certain it was the most horrible time in both of our lives. But if anything good could've come from this incomprehensible tragedy....it was that it bonded Laura and I in a way we never had been before. Because we understood each others pain. The pain of a little sister who had lost her big brother.

From that day on, we could say more with a look than we had ever been able to communicate with words before. We became much more open with one another, sharing things, and realizing just how alike we are. You see, all my life, I thought we were so different. Suddenly we're sitting around the kitchen laughing at how we both have weird food temperature quirks, likes, dislikes, compulsions.....and the last time she picked me up from the airport we were wearing the exact same shirt from the same store in different colors. "We must be sisters or something!" We started saying that every time we made one of these little discoveries. I love those moments. Because the truth is....all my life...even when we were screaming and fighting as kids....I always wanted to be just like my big sister. Especially now. If you read my earlier posts, then you already know about her beautiful daughter, Phoebe. My sister is an incredible mother. She puts every ounce of herself into raising, teaching, and loving that baby girl. Just another way I hope to be just like her.

(Side note: My sister is a bad-ass. Total BA. She boxes....and could kick your butt. After kicking your butt she could promptly cook circles around the best chef you know. She teaches me amazing recipes, but they never taste as good as when she makes it. She. Is. Awesome.)

We spent Christmas this past year at their house. It was Christmas night and Laura asked me to go for a walk with her. Just to get a little exercise and talk. And we talked! About everything. We walked all over that town, laughing and crying. I was in a strange place in my life, like a sort of limbo. Still am, truthfully. And she really listened. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like someone really understood who I am and where I am in my life. She offered her advice and her support and her love. She explained things that I didn't understand. And she told me how she saw me, how she felt abut me. And it was some of the nicest things I have ever heard. That night meant the world to me. And what's more? That night could go down in my book as the best night and greatest talk we've ever had...but I know...that we have the rest of our lives, years and years to fill with those nights, those talks. We'll have them as she helps me plan my wedding, as we watch our children grow, as we become old ladies together....

And I can't wait.

Day 82: I am grateful for my big sister. For all the lessons she has taught and continues to teach me. For all the times she picked me up when I was down. For all the ways she has supported and loved me. For all the challenges we went through as children, how we grew together, how we bonded and came to be who and where we are today. I am grateful for the love she has in her life, for her wonderful husband and daughter. I am grateful to have someone who is a part of me, in my blood, who will always understand, always be there for me, and who I can always call "Sistah."

Sistah,

I love you more than words could ever say.I am so proud of who you are and so grateful to have you as one of my dearest, best, and truest friends. My heart has peace knowing that, even though we are so far away, we have each other...and nothing can break this. I miss you so much...but I think my dream last night was just a reminder...that no matter what, no matter how far I am, my heart always has a place with my sister.

All my love,

Sistah