"There's the people
you've known forever. Who like...know you...in this way. That other
people can't. Because they've seen you change. They've let you change."
Angela, My So-Called Life
I met Tyler Hanes when I was 14 years old. Almost 16 years ago. And I am grateful for every day we've had together. Tyler and I have a very special relationship. He was my best friend...turned first love...turned best friend again. I know many people don't think that's possible, but Tyler and I know better. It all started in the high school gym on picture day in 1996. From then on it was TGIFriday's and water fights, trips to Panama City, driving all over the county to just to hang out. Our group of friends was something so special to all of us. We had finally found our place. The people we belonged with. The group of us spent every moment we could together. And Tyler was the core of that group. The head of the family as it seemed. I still have a box with all the notes we passed back and forth between classes. And, of course, driveway sessions. Driveway sessions are where the "four" would sit
at the end of my driveway (or any of our driveways really) and ask
questions that everyone had to answer. Deep questions. We shared our
hearts and our souls on those nights under the stars.
And somewhere along the line, I fell in love with that boy. It was my first love. And it was torture for 2 years. Until that fateful night the summer after my junior year. I was home from GHP, a summer theatre intensive, and there we were. Standing outside of his house talking when he said one of the most romantic lines my 16 year old ears had ever heard.....he said, "I want you to be happy....but I want you to be happy with me." I've got to hand it to you for that one, T. I'll never forget it. It was one of the most magical moments of my youth. I was dating someone at the time, so we didn't get together until the next year. But it did happen. And I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we were really happy. It was senior year, we were together, we were both cast in lead roles at school, life was pretty dang good. He was the first boy to ever say he loved me and really mean it. And he was the first boy that I ever said it to. Young love is such a magical thing.
Of course, things change. I went away to college and he went on tour with Fosse. We broke up when he came to visit me the next fall. I remember being devastated. The kind of devastated that only your first real heartbreak can bring. For weeks, I'm sure. But you know what's so funny? Looking back, its such a tiny little blip in our history. We had been such good friends, the kind of friends you have while you're learning who you are. And we had that for years before we ever started dating. It just seemed so silly to let it go because the relationship didn't work out. The night we broke up there was crying and screaming and all that goes with it. But when it was all said and done, we both agreed, we both knew we had to be friends again one day. So why not start right then. And we did. Instead of leaving and having me cry alone....I asked him to stay. We ordered pizza, watched a movie, and stayed up all night talking. Of course, everything wasn't hunk-dory. It still took time. I was still hurt. But the fact that we made that decision that night, to not give up on the friendship we had, made all the difference. We knew we had something worth fighting for.
The fact that we had that...that experience, that relationship....the fact that we were with each other during such an impressionable time has become a big part of who we are. We learned what love was together. We learned how to love together. Because we were friends first, we respected each other and knew how to communicate. And we've carried those as requirements in our relationships since. We've both found and lost love since then. But we always had each other to turn to. To talk to. We had been there, so we could give each other a good perspective on things.
We've also shared tragedy. So so unfortunately. Tyler and I both have lost people we love dearly to suicide. If you've never experienced it (and I hope you haven't), then there is no explaining it. Its the most terrible pain I have ever known. This was just one more way in which he and I understand each other. Another way we could turn to each other, be there for each other. From great tragedy, comes great pain. But from great friendship, comes great comfort. Tyler and I always say that my relationship with him and his with me is like no other we have in our lives. Its been to so many different places...and that's what makes it so special.
Of course, even as friends, it wasn't always perfect. We've been in fights. Some royal ones. We've hurt each other. We've lost touch. But we always find our way back to each other. No matter how much time goes by or where life takes us, I know that I can pick up the phone and call...and if I need him, he will be there. And I know he knows the same goes for me.
Tyler is special in many ways...he's a loving friend, a born leader and teacher, and absolutely hysterical (we could sit around and laugh for hours)...but if you ever see him on stage...you know you are in the presence of greatness. Tyler started out as a dancer, but over the years I've been lucky enough to get to watch him develop as a singer and an actor. (Triple threat, Ty!) The best way to describe him is...well, he just a true artist. When he is performing, you can't take your eyes off him. He's spellbinding. He puts everything out on the stage, gives himself over to the performance. Its something to behold. I hadn't seen him perform in so long...and then a few weeks ago, Kat and I had the chance to. He is currently on tour with Kristin Chenoweth and they came to The Greek Theater in LA. Kat and I sat there in the audience together...like we had so many other times...as 15 year-olds at Opryland, the Pebblebrook stage, Philadelphia, NY, and all over....and watched as our best friend did what he does best. To say we were proud is an understatement. We were beaming. He was sensational. As he always is. Of course, he is his own worst critic, but that is what keeps him humble and grateful...and he is. I just hope one day Tyler can see just how much magic he brings to the stage. Its really the same magic he brings to the lives of the people that love him.
In fact....our hometown paper just ran an article on him!
Please take a second to read it. Its a pretty spectacular write-up.
Day 54: I am grateful for Tyler Hanes. For a friendship like no other. For our history, for the good times and bad. For every laugh, passed note, every driveway session, every moment.
Tyler,
You know me in ways that no one else ever will. You have been there through the best and worst, thick and thin. I know that, no matter what life throws at us, we will be friends forever ("yes we will...yes we will"). I am so proud of you. Not only of your accomplishments as a performer...but of who you have become as a person. I love you more than words can say. And I am deeply grateful for our friendship.
Also....CRUNKJUICE!
Love,
Susan
(We certainly have come quite a long way, haven't we TiTi?!?)
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